Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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