a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
