And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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