I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
