You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
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