While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
