I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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