whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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