Life is so much better after having sex.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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