You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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