Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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