you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
