I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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