evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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