The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
