Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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