Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I think I am morally bankrupt
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
