Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
