i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Found your dick twin last night
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
