We won't sleep together?
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
