im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
