After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
