You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
