His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
