Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
