I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
then he tried to convert me to islam
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
