Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
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I hope my margaritas pass through security.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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