woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize