i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
