I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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