So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.