so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
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So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
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You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?