Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.