remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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