I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many