Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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