i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
the condom got lost in my hair
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
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Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize