Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
