God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
