i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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