this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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