but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
