I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
