So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Randomize