i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
