I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
