Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
