I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
