all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
