She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
