yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
