if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
