i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
