if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
