Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
