and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
