Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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