I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Randomize
