He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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