im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
