worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Randomize
