do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize