I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
