apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Randomize
